One of my biggest issues is that I don’t have a passion. Not to say I’m not a passionate person, it’s just that there isn’t anything that I do, that I can think of a way to make a living with. People say, “do what you love” but I’m not sure what I love. I enjoy making things like jewelry and scrapbooks but that’s just fun. When I have to make the same thing over and over, it gets boring. I once made a bunch of duct tape wallets for willing to pay co-workers, I haven’t made any since! I like interior decorating but have limited skills in that department. I snowboard, I have my motorcycle license but I’m not talented enough in each to make much money off of them.
I can start with what I don’t love and therefore what I don’t want to do. I don’t want to sit in front of a computer and punch numbers into spreadsheets. I want to do something that’s fun and if it’s not fun, I hope I’m at least making a difference in the world.
My current retail job feels safe and that’s scary. I left once and I’m afraid to leave again. I’m comfortable, happy enough, content, but I’m not thrilled. Since I graduated high school I always answered the common question, “What do you want to do for a living?” with, “I don’t know but, I do know that I want to be a mom someday.” Is it wrong to want to be a housewife in this day and age? My problem is that I like to shop and I think I’d have a major issue spending someone else’s money.
There is a quote I’ve been thinking about for a while, “A boat is always safe in the harbor, but that’s not what boats are built for.” I’m just looking for some inspiration.
I learned a lot at the internship with the record label. I wish I had interned in college but at the same time, I think I appreciated it more knowing how valuable work experience is. I got another internship with a radio station. They were very encouraging and so willing to show me what they do. Nothing came of it other than added fluff for my resume. Meanwhile I started working at a steakhouse and quit my retail job.
I met a lot of new people at my internships and at the same time, I had started going on some dates from my online dating site. I started to feel dumb whenever anyone asked me what I did. I didn’t feel respected by the customers at the restaurant. My retail job was different. I was respected by my co-workers and the customers. I realized that the grass isn’t always greener!
As far as online dating goes… after many failed dates and annoying guys I decided it was time to delete my online dating profile.
… should be exciting, right!? It kind of was at first.
While I was studying at Rutgers my parents often asked me what I wanted to do when I graduated. I would always get frustrated and tell them that I didn’t know. On several occasions they asked me why I was even going to college and that frustrated me even more. I really didn’t know exactly why I was in college. All I knew was I needed a bachelors degree to get any job that I would be proud of.
I started working my current retail job in February of 2008. I was on my way to my third promotion and signing up for the next semesters classes. I had been pushing for this promotion at my job because it was something completely new and challenging. I was so excited when I got it. I wanted to do an internship, keep my job, and take additional classes all at the same time. The internship required 24 hours per week and my new promotion required 24 hours per week. There is no way I could have done both and taken classes. I chose the job.
I started dating my college boyfriend right before my first semester at Rutgers. He was studying Finance at Rutgers School of Business and he always put school before me no matter what. I quickly realized how important school was to him but I never really understood. For me school was school and all I wanted to do was pass. We stayed together beyond graduation and we both helped him search for a job. Since he had a clear career choice I felt like he should find a job and then I’d look for a job in the same area. He finally got a job (it’s who you know not what you know) and we were going to move to Jersey City. I put in for a transfer to a New York City store (by this time I was on to my fourth promotion and working full time) and we signed a lease for a tiny apartment in downtown Jersey City.
That’s when I finally realized I was miserable.